During the month of October, women and men all over the world take the time to remember all of the babies lost due to miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, still birth or SIDS. As a mommy-to-be, I personally could never, ever imagine the pain that hundreds of thousands of families endure each year after the loss of a child. Still, over 700,000 babies don’t make it to their first birthday leaving so many parents to suffer and think it’s their fault or that they did something wrong.
We wanted to share some stories from women who opened up about their experience with losing an infant in hopes that it will allow some of you who are silently suffering to heal. You are not alone!
@meelahdivine shared her story:
“After losing a child, it’s no secret that relationships/marriages fail. It’s too hard. It’s ugly. There is choice that has to be made in order for that relationship to thrive. You both must choose each other. And while that might seem vague or untrue, It’s my truth.
Many people don’t know but Luther and I decided to move apart from each other and rebuild our relationship and coparent Ryen. In all honesty, we moved really fast (I won’t say too fast because obviously it worked out!) and started dating after knowing each other for two days, pregnant after 2 months, engaged after 10 months, birthed a child within 11 months. We moved into our apartments about 2 weeks before Ryen passed away. So now we have lost a child within 15 months of meeting each other! The night she died, there was just us. We were snowed in from the big snow storm, so no family could safely get to us because the roads were iced solid. So for about 2 long days and nights it was just us. We needed each other and we realized that. The times in which I tried to take my life he stopped me and watched me. People who we thought would be there for us were not, so we held on to the one thing that was constant, each other.
The thing about grief is that no one grieves the same. I am expressive, he is not. I cried a lot. He did not. On days when I would be “ok” he was not, and vice versa. You must acknowledge those things about your experience in order to not misinterpret your spouse’s actions/words. There were blow ups and fights. There were threats to break up. But we essentially made a choice. We stuck with it. We gave birth to another child, I graduated from Spelman, we bought a house, we got married, he graduated from graduate school—we did all of that together. People form the thought that no one knows what they’re going through in order to shield their pain and not express themselves. We had to understand that not only did we experience the exact same tragedy, but we did it together. All those accomplishments we did it together. My advice to couples who haven’t experienced a tragedy together is to not let that be the reason you all decide to come together.
Life is short, nothing is promised, so create a constant in each other. I don’t claim to have a perfect marriage. But I have the perfect partner for me. I have love and I have peace in my soul because he cherishes me. I am grateful that God shaped my story this way. So that I did not have to go through that alone, so I never had to sleep alone on the coldest nights when grief took over. I’ve built so much strength from God and my God given husband. So anyone who is hanging in the balance I hope this puts things in perspective.
I would like to point out that in a relationship it takes two. And also no relationship is the same, thus each solution will not work for each couple. This is my experience and my perspective. Thank you!”
Here is @m_flenn’ story:
“Hi, I’m Markelle. I’m 19. This is my little guy Liam Michael. He was born at exactly 20 weeks. I was in labor for 36 hours. His biological father had kicked me down the stairs 3 days before I lost him. I gave birth to him and held him for hours just memorizing his perfect little features. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about my perfect little angel. Everything I do I do for him.”
An anonymous mother shared her story as well:
“Hello, I came across your page the other day and it’s truly inspiring. I’m currently pregnant with twins but I lost one at 25 weeks. It’s been really really hard to even continue with my pregnancy let alone be happy. I found out at week 24 that my twin b had placenta insufficiency and by week 25 he was gone. To see that you lost your child and you still remain strong has given me a lot of hope that I can continue to remain strong too. a lot people think that I should just be happy because at least I still have one baby but no one understands how these two babies have become apart of my life. I bought everything in twos. I’m 29 weeks and have about 8 more to go before I deliver both babies. It’s going to be really hard to just walk home with one (even though I’m still grateful I even have one.)”
If any of you have experienced pregnancy or infant loss, please feel free to start a discussion below. Women especially need all of the support they can get after losing the life that had been growing inside of them for over 9 months!
TSR STAFF: Talia O. @theclosetratchet on Instagram & @tallyohhh on Twitter!
Source: https://www.instagram.com/p/BLBS3Z6glcY/
